This year, couples across India can get married on Valentine’s Day with no qualms about the whole process of a perfect Indian marriage because of our very own devoted moral police, the Hindu Mahasabha. The best part is that all the wedding expenses will also be provided by them. However, honeymoon expenses will have to be covered by ourselves. Helping spread TRUE love and cutting down wedding expenses is the force which drives these people to go on. Some may even feel reluctant at first, but after the Hindu Mahasabha talk to their parents (which they plan to do so on behalf of you, willingly) about it, they can sleep and rest assured that there will be no one to stop their love, forcefully or even, unconvincingly. Also couples who are not sure of their love can go through the love test set by them: getting married, by force.
In a country where obscene acts and immoral crimes of public display of affection like hugging, kissing and other forms of foreign activities are hugely on the rise, thereby polluting our Indian culture, these guys surely deserve a standing ovation for spending endless hours, days and nights, planning for the perfect solution for social integration. Likewise, their dedication has made them form groups to monitor social networking sites and keeping a hawk’s eye even on them. People posting disrespectful sentences like “I love you” on Facebook, Twitter and even WhatsApp will be made to tie the knot. Indians need to love each other the Indian way, being inside closed doors and doing our own private businesses and affairs, as long as no one comes to know; not in the foreign way, where people are shameful enough to show their love and affection for each other in public.
Inter-faith marriages will be required to sit through a “shuddhikaran” or purification ritual since “all residents of India are Hindus”. Who would’ve guessed that perfect marriages are made by the Hindu Mahashaba and not in heaven. Moreover, couples will also be made to stop believing in the existence of other religions. The country will be a much better place after this year’s Valentine’s Day.
Who cares about issues like rape, racism and corruption? These were, are and will always be a part and parcel of our Indian culture. The most important issue faced by our country right now is couples shamelessly roaming the streets without getting married. After all, we also need to maintain our world record of producing babies. It is a sign of our Indian fertility and love for children. Unfortunately, gay couples need to wait for a few more years to enjoy this new policy, as they are currently against Indian culture. Jai hind.